Here's a great op-ed piece that was sent to Pelosi....
24 January 2013
Protect our
vulnerable boys! Rename and rewrite VAWA so it is
gender-neutral.
This is an
open letter to Democratic Leader, Nancy Pelosi, who
strongly supports reinstating the gender-biased Violence
Against Women Act (VAWA). For the past 18 years, VAWA has
been renewed without public debate. VAWA fails to support
boys and men who are victims of sexual and domestic
violence. It also fails to acknowledge that women
perpetrate sexual and domestic violence against children
and adults.
I mailed a
hard copy of this letter to Nancy Pelosi, along with a
list of studies and reports supporting my statements. I
sent a similar letter to Governor Maggie Hassan of NH, who
also supports VAWA. For this post, I included a partial
listing of the resources. I also redacted my address and
information personal to my family.
As a child
advocate, I feel it is my duty as a professional to demand
equality, compassion and fairness in laws that have the
potential to help or harm children.
January 24,
2013
Office of the
Democratic Leader
H-204, US Capitol
Washington, DC 20515
H-204, US Capitol
Washington, DC 20515
Dear Honorable
Leader Nancy Pelosi,
I am a Licensed
Mental Health Counselor, a children’s rights advocate and
former social worker. I have worked with children of all
ages and families in various roles for 20 years. I am a
registered Democrat, a strong humanitarian and community
activist. I am requesting that VAWA be renamed The
Sexual And Domestic Violence Act and rewritten so that it
is gender neutral.
I am writing to
express my dismay at how politics have infected the fields
of human services in the past several years, to the point
where I am seeing a chronic lack of compassion and a
dangerous apathy towards the suffering of male victims of
sexual and domestic violence. I have worked hard over the
years to protect all people from suffering. Sexual and
domestic violence are the tragic consequences of people who
grew up with severe childhood trauma, whose needs have not
been met to such a degree that they act-out in violence as a
means to cope. I have always worked to try to heal children
and families to prevent the cycles of violence from
spreading. However, in my work with youth and families, over
and over I come across unspoken and unwritten rules that
seem to suggest that it is politically incorrect and even
profane for Democrats, humanitarians and social justice
advocates to speak on behalf of the rights and needs of boys
and men, or to bring attention to and hold women accountable
for their violent and sexually aggressive behavior towards
children and adults of both sexes.
I have worked
with countless boys of all ages who have suffered rape and
sexual assaults by perpetrators of both sexes. Far more boys
than girls are severely abused by their parents. Many of the
men in the families I have worked with are victims of
domestic and sexual violence. The difference between these
boys and men who are victims and their female peers who are
victims, is how they are treated by society, the mental
health system, community crisis centers, the child
protective/social service system, the legal system, the
justice system and the media: While the girls and women I
work with have been focused on, protected, believed,
supported and empowered by these systems, the boys and men I
have worked with, as a whole, have suffered systematic
discrimination, sexism, mockery, disbelief and neglect by
these systems. Despite the already over-abundant outreach
efforts, programs, policies and services for women, there
are still no serious outreach attempts to educate, protect,
empower, focus on and support boys and men who suffer date
rape, rape, sexual assault, genital mutilation, child abuse,
domestic violence and psychological battery in their
families, relationships and in society.
I don’t know
where to turn with these concerns. As an author and writer,
I have reached out to progressive magazines, human rights
organizations, feminist organizations and other politicians.
I have either received no response or an angry, dismissive
response. However, what I have witnessed in my own work as a
humanitarian is not isolated. I have been researching this
gender bias against male victims of sexual and domestic
violence and the ignoring of female perpetration of violence
for several years and my findings have been shocking. There
have been almost 300 quantitative random sample research
studies since the 70′s that have consistently shown that men
and women both report that men are the victims in 51% of
domestic violence incidents involving male-female couples.
There have been decades of studies showing the high
incidents of rape and sexual violence against boys and men
and of female-perpetrated sexual assaults. Murray Straus at
the Family Research Lab in NH has an unpublished study
showing that boys under 18 in the US suffer slightly more
sexual abuse than girls. Also, in several studies of
college-age youth, young men report being the victim of
coerced sex (date rape) more often than or equal to young
women! News reports of male victims of both sexes, but
especially boys and men tortured by women, boys raped by
mothers, boys raped by teachers, especially teenage boys
raped by grown women, are kept under the radar and receive
little attention other than mockery.
Yet,
quantitative, random sample studies and news reports are
ignored in favor of compiling crime statistics, or stats
from social service/crisis centers, which only tally who
actually reports abuse and crimes to law enforcement and
social service agencies. It is common knowledge in the human
services that boys and men are unlikely to report sexual and
domestic violence to law enforcement or to the mental health
system (especially when they are victimized by a woman),
therefore they are grossly under-represented in crime stats.
Additionally, the FBI didn’t even count male victims of rape
until 2012, so boys and men were not ever factored into rape
statistics compiled by the FBI. I have witnessed many times
that reports to Child Protective Services of boys being
sexually abused by women are not referred to the DA or to
law enforcement. When women are actually caught and
prosecuted for sexual and domestic violence, they receive
light sentences or none at all.
Another issue I
want to briefly mention is genital mutilation. Most
humanitarians agree that Female Genital Mutilation is an
egregious crime against girls. However, in our country,
millions of boys have suffered the sexual violation and
trauma of genital mutilation without any interest or concern
from human rights groups. Research and victim reports are
clear that Male Genital Mutilation (circumcision) causes
trauma, mother-son attachment disruption and sexual and
mental health problems, yet it continues without any outcry.
As a democrat,
a humanitarian, a mental health counselor, a children’s
rights activist, an aunt and a mother, I do not understand
why there is such an outpouring of support and protection
for girls and women but an indifferent, silent apathy which
ignores boys and men. It is an egregious violation of human
rights in my ethical opinion.
As my Leader, I
am asking you to only support legislation that is gender
neutral, that protects ALL victims of sexual and domestic
violence and that holds ALL perpetrators equally
accountable for sexual and domestic violence. I know
that VAWA has been a hot button for politicians; I am
asking that you only endorse VAWA if the name and the
language in the act are gender-neutral. The act should be
renamed, The Sexual and Domestic Violence Act, and should
have equal provision for all victims, holding all
perpetrators equally accountable. Law enforcement
must stop targeting men for punishment, and understand that
men are half of the victims and women are half of the
perpetrators. It is factually incorrect and even a public
safety threat to have an act like VAWA that is named to only
protect half the population and target half the
perpetrators.
I saw your
Tweet on 1/23/13 that “No woman should be forced to suffer
abuse in silence”. I don’t believe ANY person should
suffer abuse in silence, including men and children. I would
like your thoughts and your suggestions of how I can bring
more public awareness to this problem in order to protect my
clients and the people I serve. I hope that you will
consider supporting ALL victims who suffer the trauma and
pain of sexual and domestic violence in our country.
Sincerely,
Laurie A.
Couture
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Author of Instead of Medicating and Punishing
Parenting Coach and Speaker
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Author of Instead of Medicating and Punishing
Parenting Coach and Speaker
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